I graduated from nursing school and my nurse practitioner program before the opioid epidemic came to light. In school, we were taught to focus on providing pain relief by whatever means necessary. As the severity of the opioid problem became more obvious, I held to the belief that this problem only pertained to other people. Honestly, I saw those patients as very hard to deal with. I always guarded my narcotic prescribing and made sure I sent “those patients” back to their primary care provider as soon as I could.

In early 2016, I began to work part time at an inpatient addictions treatment center where I really learned about opioid addiction. I soon realized that my assumptions about the patients were wrong, and I began to understand the causes of, as well as treatment for this disease. I came to understand it was not a matter of “just cutting patients off from narcotics.” Addiction is a chronic, challenging disease, much like diabetes or high blood pressure. I had the opportunity to learn about it in my work with patients by encouraging them, believing in them, providing hope, and most importantly, not judging them. I wasn’t perfect in my care, but my mind set was changing a little at a time. 

Then in April 2016, my world completely changed not only as a nurse practitioner, but also as a mom. You see, my beautiful daughter, was arrested for burglary of our home. She stole from us to support her opiate addiction. My husband and I knew she was struggling with drugs, but we had no idea to what extent. We offered help, but she refused — until she was arrested. She was sentenced to an 18-month drug court, which she completed with support from counselors and NA. As hard as it was to watch her struggle in jail and through the program, I also saw hope and healing. And for the first time in many years, we saw what her life could be like clean and sober.

Kate accomplished two years of sobriety, but unfortunately relapsed last year. I was blessed to walk through acute withdrawal with her in January, and she is maintaining her sobriety at this time. It is one thing to see patients detoxing in the emergency department or in a treatment center. It was a whole different experience sitting with my daughter at 1:00am in the morning holding her hand; reminding her that she deserved more, and she could start living a sober life again. My mom heart broke as I watched her struggle, but I never gave up hope for her. I will never, ever give up on her.

My daughter’s struggle has grown me in ways I never thought possible, both as a mom and as a nurse practitioner. As a mom, with coaching from a beautiful friend, I joined Al-Anon. For the first time I have been able to talk with others about my journey. I no longer feel alone nor unsupported. I have learned that “I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it.”

As a nurse practitioner, I have become bolder in talking with patients about my concerns regarding their opiate use and abuse. I am now better able to offer treatment options and can relate to patients in their daily struggles. I see that keeping silent about addiction only leads to more secrecy and more stigma. I have realized that opiate addiction affects people from all walks of life and socioeconomic classes. And I also understand that addiction really is a chronic and relapsing disease, and that as such we can never quit encouraging and believing in patients.

As the epidemic worsens, I continuously remind myself (and others) that this disease is treatable, and therefore, there is always hope! But we must talk about it – publicly. We must educate people about it. We must take away the stigma and the judgment of those who suffer under its weight. We must shift our focus. As Fr. Gregory Boyle, the founder of Homeboy Industries says, “Here is what we seek: a compassion that can stand in awe at what the poor (substitute “addicted”) have to carry rather than stand in judgement at how they carry it.” I am convinced that with education and communication, we can change this world just a little bit at a time.